This month we are breaking up the holiday chatter (but also…Happy Holidays!) to share with you all a candid, quite raw rendition of one’s experience of navigating relationships in recovery and traversing the journey of healing from co-dependency. We love this timeless reminder that no matter what type of relationships we are fostering at the moment, we must always hold space for ourselves, nurture ourselves, and remain present with ourselves.
This piece was gifted by an Anonymous Recovery Warrior.
To my sister-
There will be someone that promises you the life you’ve always imagined having. Constant, unwavering assurances of safety, security, and happiness will dance from their lips, forming the most entrancing, tempting ballet. They will do it all right, and I mean everything. From flowers, love notes, and elegant dinners to warm embraces and kisses as soft as the clouds. These are all beautiful things to treasure, but love, don’t give it all away.
There will be someone that snatches your attention so violently and abruptly that they send you spinning into a whirlpool of your own thoughts. For a while you’ll think you’re drowning in that perfect something. You’ll immerse yourself in their cool, refreshing pool in an attempt to cleanse yourself, but please promise to stay where your feet can touch the bottom. The deep end is colder, darker than you’d expect it to be- every time. Darling, try to keep that beautiful head above the water. Don’t give it all away.
There will be someone that you love to hate. They will be your flame, you will be their gasoline. You will pour your body over them like hot, melted wax just begging for a shape to take. You will sugar yourself until they deem you the sweetest candy they have ever tasted. You’ll surrender to the fire. Passion is part of the game, but sissy, don’t give it all away.
There will be someone that changes your life. You’ll think, speak, act, and do things differently than ever before. You’ll set this new you into motion with a force so strong you’ll convince everyone you’ve had a revelation. Your mind will shift, your attitudes will be altered, your dispositions will transform. Old habits will die, new ones will be born. Perspective is powerful and changes are good, but look before you leap, baby. Don’t give it all away.
There will be someone that makes themselves your project. They will latch on, and you will mother their insecurities. You’ll stroke their fragile ego. You will find yourself cleaning up the foul waste of their childlike outbursts, uncontrolled and unpredictable. You’ll wipe the floor of their mess and your tears of exhaustion, sanitize with affection, and you’ll wait for the next explosion. You’ll hope that these nightmarish times will pass and that like the flu, it will get worse before it gets better. My sister, I am here to tell you that there will always be another explosion, always another mess that will keep you on your knees. Don’t give it all away.
There will be someone you love. You’ll know it when you know it. Your head will turn to them, and you’ll meet each other on an even playing field. You’ll overlook things that are slightly inconvenient to preserve the pleasure of being a pair. You’ll share yourself with them and they will reciprocate. You’ll want them feverishly and vehemently. You’ll experience compromise. You’ll sacrifice genuinely but my god- don’t ever give it all away.
You see, there will always be someone. There will always be high highs and low lows but whatever you do, don’t give it all away. Don’t give all of yourself. Don’t drain yourself dry. Don’t burn yourself until the wick disappears. Not ever. If you ever take a piece of my advice, please let it be this one. Leave some of you for you, no matter what.